Who is Fyodor then? And what's he like really?
It's the question on everyone's lips today, innit? Apolgies to The Sherriff and Krankiboy whose "ring ring" concept was so delightful I hadta rip it off.
And yes, you just do a google image search for "sideshow bob" to find him! And yes again, everything little revealing snippet here is straight from his own keyboard.
Hi, you've reached Victor Spankum's Special Adult Introduction Service. My name's Jenny. How can I help you?
I am stag at the moment, and thus lumbered with free time on the weekends, which are usually sacrosanct.
Which means you'd like to meet a special someone?
I'm so dry and cracked I may just be dessicated coconuts.
I think I get your drift. So, what kind of person are you looking for?
Mmh, lesbian Swedish twins...
Not sure we've got any twins on the books just at the 'mo. Anything else appeal?
Babe-nerds with inflatable fiery fun bags!
Bit low on them too. Keep trying.
An old bloke in a dress? Or, maybe, a young bloke in a dress. Better yet, an altar boy.
Oooh, people tend to get very cross about the altar boys, but we can perhaps arrange some outfits.
There should be more of it. That and pirates.
Aah, beg pardon?
There's not nearly enough pirates on TV.
So you're looking for a religious pubescent gay pirate?
You are a very bad lady. I have created a monster.
Oh, never mind, we get all kinds here. Perhaps we should have started with you telling me a little about yourself? Where have you been looking for love?
Here. There. Everywhere. You know how it is.
No, not really, but enough about me. How would you describe yourself physically?
Mmyeah - discretion, valour et cetera.
That's not really going to read so well. You want to give me some more detail?
Yes, my skin is this yellow, and I only have eight fingers. I like to think of myself as somewhat cinnamony.
Tattoos, piercings, novelty items?
Unsightly - albeit highly aquadynamic - webbing.
Well that certainly qualifies. Hobbies?
Ever wonder what chicken tastes like?
Err, no. Hobbies?
I eat lions for breakfast. With marmalade and strong coffee.
Well, I'm not getting a match from our registered profiles so far, I must say.
Come over to the Dark Side, give in to your true nature!
Oh pet, I wouldn't be working here if I was alienated from my Dark Side. It's in the Selection Criteria.
Was this an attempt at humour?
Still can't work out who Fyodor is? Check out the many truths here:
Cut Price Commentariat (and snaps to Liam for the banner design)
Flop Eared Mule
and possibly Larvatus Prodeo, you never know.