Dear Sage

Mummy and Daddy have got a very special surprise for you. You might have been wondering why Mum's been eating lots of dry biscuits, eyeing off Dad's wine and anybody at all's cigarette while endlessly complaining about being tired and not playing soccer anymore. Well, you're going to have a little brother or sister! Yay!

Mum will go to the Birth Centre to have the baby, and I'll be a fucking shambles bit sore and tired for a while after it comes. Would you believe that babies come out of their Mummy's gineup*? I didn't think so. We'll probably bring home the little baby the next day, and you'll discover a whole new world. Of it not being your turn yet. Babies are lots of fun. So it will be great. After a while. At first it will be a bit hard and Dad and especially Mum will be braindead and distractedVERY busy looking after the baby.

You will need to be gentle and loving to the baby. All the time. Even if you're very cranky, or tired, or hungry, or sad or bored. Mum will try and do the same for both of you, God help me.You'll get to practice sharing a lot. Mainly Mum at first but sooner than you think possible all of your possessions too.

But when the baby gets a bit bigger you'll have a playmate and someone to dob on and fight with in the back of the car on long trips. Mummy and Daddy will still love you just as much, we always will it just won't feel that way.

With all my love

Mummy

* genuine Sage word