Austrayan Values: a sense of bollocks

I was quite inspired by the Prime Minister's Austraya Day address on history. In fact, I came over all Melleuish.

After reflecting, I decided that our plans to celebrate the beginning of the asian lunar new year in fact were a black armbanded slur on this magnificent country. So we went to the show in Bungendore, a little town just north of Canberra, secure in the knowledge that we were contributing to the continuation of our shared Judeo-Christian British culture. I found it quite enlightening, and the Prime Minister's words sprang unbidden into my head as I wandered.

There is much in American society which I admire, but I have long held the view that the absence of an effective safety net in that country means that too many needy citizens fall by the wayside.


Indeed. No one will flog yer bundy while you're stonkered at 11 am at a country show. And don't you find a sense of balance is often best accomplished when supine?


I said that Australia’s crowning achievement, borne of its egalitarian tradition, was its social cohesion. I still believe that.


And it's true. Everyone hates a frickin' pipe band.


Australians, whatever their background, deserve to be treated with tolerance and with respect.


Except the dog fanciers. They're weird.



What's more, since we're now rid of the oppressive yoke of political correctness, I am free to include this photo solely to point out that there were a large number of midgets hanging around this dog. Three is a large number of midgets to casually encounter, right?


As I’ve said before, as a Government we are willing to meet the Indigenous people more than half way on this road.


And they will not fear us, as we will be bearing cuddly tokens of comfort and esteem.


Within limits, all Australians have the right to express their culture and beliefs and to participate freely in our national life.


Upper class gits can now roam free, dressed as once they would only be in private. Except those in Parliament, who shall continue to wear suits in public.


Nor should it be at the expense of ongoing pride in what are commonly regarded as the values, traditions and accomplishments of the old Australia.


Like that great spirit of enterprise and ingenuity that led some cobber to fashion an Anzac rising sun out of antique sheep drenching equipment, right?


And too often, history, along with other subjects in the humanities, has succumbed to a postmodern culture of relativism where any objective record of achievement is questioned or repudiated.

Here, I begin to falter, fearing that this could endanger the "every entrant wins a prize" philosophy that makes the country show the joy it is.


Because what will happen to vegetable sculpture in an open market?



And if the winner of the 70 years and older category isn't productively filling her time with making Miss Havisham dolls what horrors might befall those idle hands?


But then I remembered - to grasp what I mean when I say that Australia occupies a unique intersection of history, geography, culture and economic circumstance is quite simple. Simply look at what we do.


Simply. Look. In fact I dare you to not stare at this strangely compelling shiny silver elf in early labour.


We have great cause for optimism, if we keep our balance.

Sometimes, that's trickier than you'd think.




Welcome to the Coalition of the Gulling(TM).